Entire One Direction Boy Band Eaten By Sharks in Florida

“The only direction One Direction went today was down the gullets of a some Great White sharks,” Ernest B. Cecilmayer, chief lifeguard at Miami’s West Beach told Fox news.

The feeding frenzy started at 3 pm Monday on Miami’s West beach. The boy band were taking time off from one of their mime shows and went for a swim.

“We saw them go further out into the ocean, and then there was some serious splashing going on. One minute they were there with their perfectly coiffed poncey haircuts, and the next there was just red everywhere. I just started cheering right there and then and punching the air in delight at the demise of the most nauseating irritating bunch of shisters foisted on what’s left of the music biz. If I could kiss those sharks I would, I wanted to shake their fins, to hug them for cleansing the world of crap. One Direction went down to hell in one fell swoop, they didn’t take the elevator but they took the water slide down there via a shark’s stomach. I sincerely hope those poor sharks don’t get a bad case of indigestion,” Cuthbert Eagleboise, a witness and music lover at the beach recounted.

A spokesman from One Direction’s record label, Syco Records, said they were very sad about the news and would immediately be bringing out a Greatest Hits record to celebrate their spectacular career in the pop world.

Marine Biologist at Florida Sea World, Laura Kiltner, said: “The splashing from the boy band must have attracted the sharks. We estimate there were three or four large Great Whites in the vicinity who must have been hungry because the feeding frenzy lasted for all of two minutes. Sharks rarely attack humans but in this case I think they saw One Direction and thought they might enjoy a little snack.”

The unfortunate drawback of the wonderful demise of the entire One Direction boy band is that there may be a few weeks of tributes on the airwaves, but thankfully they will be forever forgotten after that.