Hello and welcome to the coronavirus lockdown edition of our Beyond Satire series showcasing some of the beyond satire, pretty much beyond anything headlines we have found in our internet travels whilst bored out of our fucking minds.

Please do check out the Beyond Satire I edition.

The bizarre CIA ‘fake scrotum’ designed to enable downed pilots to conceal an escape radio

You have to hand it to the CIA, they sure come up with some top bollocking prizes for this one. We have to apologise, the headline is not beyond satire as such, but the fucking CIA themselves are for creating this monstrous dangly bit replete with some realistic pubes to add to its realistic yet menacing appearance.

Teenager, 18, is stabbed to death while on a knife-awareness course

Say no more, one could say this sort of stabbing thing is to be accepted during the horrid reign of London Mayor Sadiq Khan, but it does hold some sort of beyond satirical quality to its presentation.

Film about London gang violence banned after machete brawl during screening…

It’s those pesky ‘young people‘ again, and they’re doing what they do best — creating beyond satire headlines.

Australian astrophysicist gets four magnets stuck up his nose while trying to create anti-coronavirus device

There have been many tales of bravery and sacrifice by medical workers fighting Covid-19 around the world, but none quite compares to the Australian astrophysicist who got four magnets stuck up his nose while trying to develop a device to prevent people from touching their faces.

Man ‘teaching dog how to drive’ arrested after high-speed chase

“When we took him into custody… he admitted to our troopers that he was trying to teach his dog to drive.”

Family of 17 infected at funeral of COVID-19 victim…

That’s right, let’s all go to the funeral of someone who died from a highly contagious virus. What could possibly go wrong?

Woman needs her ass amputated after injecting herself illegally

There are no words to describe the horror of this miniscule brained individual apart from she has a vast artificially created ass that needs to be amputated and is an Instagram model…say no more.