BREAKING: Kim Kardashian Thwarts Dangerous Toxic Leak in Beverly Hills

The incident occurred today in Beverly Hills when Kim Kardashian was shopping for another set of handbags.

According to witnesses at the scene, a truck was passing when one of its valves came unloose. The valve compartment measured 3 feet across and the truck had just travelled from a toxic waste depot.

“This stuff was pouring out all over the sidewalk. One woman’s chihuahua practically melted in front of our fucking eyes when the toxic shit splattered over it. That’s when I saw Kim, she dropped her bags, undid her leopard skin pattern leotard, and put her ass against the leakage. Many were fainting from the fumes. Kim Kardashian is my hero, her asshole saved hundreds of people today,” Miles Fetnoer, 43, a witness to the accident revealed.

To plug a hole three feet across is no easy feat but Kim Kardashian managed it with ease.

Each Kardashian buttock has been carefully moulded by the best professionals in the cosmetic surgery field of Los Angeles, and they are modelled on buttocks of black women.

Cosmetic surgeon Dr. Phil Penrose, of Beverly Hills, was quick to assert the effectiveness of his masterpiece.

“Kim and and many of the Kardashian clan only like black. They like their men black, and their asses black. I am so happy she saved the day today with her butt. The amount of sculpting that her project took was immense. I don’t just do trout lips, and beach ball tit implants, I also do the Kardashian butt, and white women are queueing around the block to have me carve them up and stuff ’em. They actually pay for it too.”

The Mayor of Los Angeles, Enrique Polantes, praised Kim Kardashian and plans on holding a ceremony honouring her heroic buttocks.

“Kim saved the day with her butt. Many people would have died today if it was not for her ginormous asshole, and I’m not just talking about Kanye.”