Hipster Disease Infecting Thousands in UK

LONDON - England - Just when you thought it was safe to go out into the streets after the Labour government championed chavs have mostly died off, another vile concoction of youth culture and commercially created trend setting is threatening to take over everything.

“Have you seen the hipsters. They look like dickheads and are a laughingstock,” a man at an East London bus stop quipped as he waited for the next bus.

One thing about the hipsters is that they are not violent, unlike their opposites – the chavs. Instead, a hipster, may have some rough looking tats but would rather prefer a night in knitting a low-cut vest as opposed to kicking someone’s face in outside an off-licence like their chav counterparts.

Hipsters like to think they’re cool and unique, but all seem to dress in exactly the same way as each other with exactly the same accessories and uniform as each other as well as adopting the exact same mannerisms and have-to-pee poses.

Modern hipsters are a subverted version of the 1940s US subculture, and the perversion of the original version has suddenly cropped up over in the UK recently. These corporate arseholes are essentially a creation of the social networks, conglomerate fashion outlets, and ad agencies; a fucked up version of myspacers and Glee enthusiasts mixed up in a bucket of Gap clothes, Tumblr and shit Eighties sunglasses with beards and t-shirts silk-screened quoting movies they have probably never heard of or ever seen.

The male ones wear similar hipster uniforms to the female versions, and most of the time it is quite hard to tell the difference between the two sexes. There is certainly a high level of effeminacy with the males of the hipster species, with their long flowing scarves and stockings and tweaky bumfluff moustaches.

Hipsters do affirm to a version of jackass geek chic and love to wear glassless NHS style glasses to look more intelligent, even though they have probably never even read a single book let alone some obscure 1960s beat poetry.

“These people are a waste of space and should be exterminated. They make me ill. I want to strangle them,” an anti-hipster person told the BBC last night.

Surely all this hipster hate is unjustified.

All we can say is bring back the chavs. Anything is better than this shite. Actually, scratch that thought, they’re both as bad as each other.