Peter Andre to Save Greece With Benefit Concert

“Greece’s future survival depends on Peter Andre’s cheesy chav tunes. This is the reality of the situation. I think we’re all fucked now for sure,” Greek Finance minister, Stavrou Meatporko, told Greek television yesterday.

The Peter Andre concert has already attracted some attention and 34 tickets were sold in two whole days of sales.

To speed up ticket sales, Team Andre is even thinking of hiring the unthinkable — Katie Price.

“We figure if we have Katie out front on stage. When she takes off her clothes and shows everyone her silicone beach balls as well as her perfectly manicured well-used prolapsed meat curtains, we’ll have people literally fainting in the aisles. The smell alone will knock people out. That’s when we do a special collection and empty out those suckers’ pockets even more,” Pete’s manager, Agnes Bartholomew, told the Sun.

Another Greek pop starlet, George Michael, was also put up for the benefit concert but was sadly unavailable for the event.

“Mr Michael is currently busy with a major project that has been in the planning phase for over four years. He is building Europe’s largest public lavatory for men in Hampstead Heath. The monumental project will populate 126 acres of land and incorporate every luxury known to the lavatory industry. The massive cottaging farm will ensure that millions of male visitors from all over the world will come to it every year thus increasing revenue for the local economy,” Archibald Westlake, head of public services for Camden Council, told the BBC.