Chelsea Clinton Gets Divorced

NEW YORK - USA - Chelsea Clinton has divorced her newly wedded husband, Marc Lewinsky, after only two and a half minutes of marriage, reports have claimed.

It was meant to be the marriage of the century, instead the marriage between the Clinton daughter and Mr Lewinsky was consigned, much like a used tissue in Bill Clinton’s Oval Office, to the waste bin of history.

The bored looking couple arrived on a horse drawn carriage to the synagogue for the £4 million wedding where they were married by a Rabbi under a chupa for all of two minutes.

“It was a beautiful ceremony, and the pair didn’t even look into each others eyes. All around there were sighs of ‘Oy vay’ and ‘Oh vez mear’. Two minutes of utter silence passed before they said they wanted a divorce on the grounds of boredom. You know how this new generation is, all about low attention spans and investment banking,” Gilda Goldberg, a guest at the wedding said.

Immediately after the divorce was announced, all the guests ran towards the wedding cake, which cost a whopping $65,000.

“There was a stampede rush to the wedding cake where people jumped right in there so they could get a slice and sell it in the streets or ebay for a massive markup,” Ron Jeremy, another guest at the wedding said.

Chelsea’s father, Bill, was nowhere to be seen but there were some reports that he was consummating the marriage for the two in a backroom with a number of bride’s maids.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    LAMMY: Mandem to be Released Early

    LONDON - England - Labour Justice Secretary David Lammy is to release up to 6,000…

    22 hours ago

    15th Five-Year Plan: What China’s Development Means to the World

    DALIAN - China - The World Economic Forum meeting is upbeat about China’s 15th Five-Year…

    1 day ago

    When Mother Earth Speaks Humans Still Do Not Listen

    CARACAS - Venezuela - A 7.5 magnitude earthquake is a small reminder that humans are…

    2 days ago

    Unelected Comrade Burnham Ushering New Era of Communism

    MANCHESTER - England - Unelected Comrade Burnham has destroyed the last vestiges of democracy as…

    4 days ago

    People’s Republic of Soviet Britain Urgent Bulletin Regarding Comrade Starmer

    MANCHESTER - England - Good news comrades. Comrade Starmer has been apprehended and made into…

    5 days ago

    “Comrades, they are coming for me on Monday! This is it!”

    UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - Comrade Starmer has revealed in a communique that a dastardly coup is…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.