Heather Mills to Star in ‘Dancing on Thin Ice’

“Heather will go out into the middle of a frozen lake and attempt to dance on the thinnest ice there is. The goal of the show is to see her fall into the freezing water and get a good dunking. After awhile, someone might go and try to rescue her but we’ll have to see about that,” Anders Johannsen, series producer for the Endemol production told Media Weekly.

Ever since winning the lottery, the ex-wife of Paul McCartney has been living in a specially built bunker 450 metres under the earth’s surface.

Heather is so hated by the public and media that the only place she can live in is an underground bunker somewhere up North. Some people think the facility is in Scotland but there has been no definite news on its whereabouts. Thankfully the public airways have not been polluted with her wild-eyed psychotic rants for some time now since her isolation — that is until now.

“No one’s seen her for awhile so people will want to watch the show just to see this scraggy witch get a good dunking. We’re sure that the McCartney clan will definitely be watching as well to see peggy thrashing around in sub zero waters. This show is going to be bigger than Celebrity Big Brother we can guarantee. We even thought about introducing a few hungry polar bears into the mix to increase the ‘wow’ factor, we’re still in negotiations with London Zoo,” Mr Johannsen added rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

‘Dancing on Thin Ice’ starring Heather Mills starts tomorrow on ITV4 at 6.43pm