Revealed: "Kelly Osbourne Ate My Chihuahua"

LOS ANGELES - USA - A distraught Hollywood socialite has revealed the harrowing details of an encounter with Kelly Osbourne that left her and many witnesses reeling in utter horror.

A prominent member of the Hollywood jetset and socialite was today nursing her wounds after witnessing something which will live with her forever.

Not only did she witness her favourite pet lose it’s life but suffered the further indignity of having to report the incident in its full gory detail to police officers who were quickly on the scene.

“According to witnesses, Ms Margolis was at an affluent Beverly Hills boutique browsing when Kelly Osbourne and a little boy turned up. They were having a furious argument over who should wear the glitter makeup and which dress looks better when Kelly hit the peroxide haired twink on the head. She slapped him and he started to cry. Looking around with Ozzy-esque rage she swung around and spied the tiny pooch innocently sniffing a mannequin. That’s when the horror started. Kelly picked up the dog, looked it in the eye then stuffed the lot in her mouth. There was a bit of crunching but otherwise no sound and an almighty gulp as the dog went down. After burping loudly she stormed out of the expensive boutique and hailed a cab with her twink in tow. Ms Margolis was left with an empty leash, she just stood there,” Line Officer for the Beverly Hills P.D. , Maria Gambino, told TMZ.


Ms Margolis has already contacted lawyers and she plans to sue Ms Osbourne for damages and post-traumatic stress which has needed hours of counselling.

Kelly Osbourne’s Personal Assistant refutes the incident ever happened and says Osbourne will fight the claims in court: “Kelly Osbourne is innocent of all charges and even though is party to intense fits of rage every few minutes, did not and would not follow in her fathers footsteps. Besides, she was with her twink boyfriend and he keeps her in check all the time.”

Since the incident, many of the shops employees have needed counselling and are seeking compensation.

There has been a disturbing pattern of disappearances of small pets whenever Kelly Osbourne is around and PETA are investigating.

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