Daily Squib Smuggles Banned American Shock Jock Michael Savage into Britain

LONDON - England - The Daily Squib has spectacularly circumnavigated the Commissar of the Stasi Police, Colonel Jacqui Smith's orders to ban the radio shock jock from entering Britain.

The American radio ‘personality’, Michael Savage was secretly smuggled into Britain last night after five harrowing days on the run from British Stasi agents and Politburo officials.

The Daily Squib’s covert reporter recalls the arduous journey that took place which could have resulted in all who were involved being incarcerated for the next 42 years in an eco-gulag somewhere in Sector 101 (Northern Soviet Britain):

“We brought Mr Savage into Britain from the coast. We used a yacht in which he was hidden in a fridge unit for the three week journey from Boston. We then transported Mr Savage into a vehicle once we got onto shore. These were the most crucial and tense times for us because a Stasi patrol came past and we had to show our papers. The commandant then checked our Wartburg 353, he even checked the bloody ashtray. What he didn’t know of course was that we had hidden Mr Savage in a specially designed area behind the back seat of the car.

“We had to now drive deep into the belly of the beast – to London – where there are more Stasi officers, cameras, listening devices and double agents than at any time in East German or Soviet Russian history. You can’t swing a cat in London without it hitting a surveillance camera.

“Do you know how many check points there are from the coast of Sector 12 (Devon) to Sector 01 (London)? Too many to count. We had to have special permission to move out of the sector anyway, which I had secured after three months of dealing with bureaucratic morons in the Department of Sector Travel.

“At one of the checkpoints just outside the M25 Mr Savage sneezed from behind the seat as the Stasi official was checking our vehicle. That’s when we thought the game was really up, but luckily Bob, who was travelling with us, sneezed as well and the official let us go. There were beads of sweat practically falling off our faces. Everywhere we looked we saw the menacing posters of Comrade Brown and Comrade Jacqui Smith looking at us. This added extra tension to our already anxious journey.

“Well, dear friends we did finally get to the safe house and Mr Savage was transported into the house once in the garage. Because there are listening devices in every home in Britain, we had to communicate by writing everything down or through the use of sign language. Mr Savage is now safe in the basement, and has already conducted a covert communication which will be broadcast tomorrow at 9 pm GMT.

Mike Savage has asked for us to relay some very important messages to his family in America:

“Hello folks, I am in Limey land. They got great food here. Yesterday they fed me some boiled cabbage, a boiled potato and a piece of gristle from I don’t know what f*cking animal. They got great dentists here too, like they use pliers to take the teeth out or they just punch you in the f*cking mouth. Dental hygiene means like gargling your mouth out with a quart of whisky if you can get the rations. Otherwise it’s kind of good here. Tomorrow they’re transporting me to another safe house somewhere in a place called Dagenham. I heard it smells like sh*t there so I’ll know when I’m there cuz I’ll be in the back of the car, but then again the whole goddamn place smells of sh*t. Hey Jacqui Smith, I’m right here. You can’t catch me you jack booted commie slut.”

The American shock jock is currently in another safe house because a member of our team was found to be a double agent for the politburo. We found the mole and flushed the traitor down the sewer where they belong. Here’s to free speech.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: daily squib

Recent Posts

Experts: General AI Will Soon be Integrated Into Everything

LONDON - England - General AI is on the verge of being introduced into all…

6 hours ago

ANALYSIS: Was Prince Harry Making a Statement in Latest Address?

MONTECITO - USA - Prince Harry made a new appearance wearing military medals on his…

3 days ago

Triggered Woke People and Eco Zealots Encouraged to Choose Euthanasia

SCUNTHORPE - England - A Labour think tank details its proposals for the government to…

4 days ago

Rat Sadiq Khan Set to Win Again as Mayor of London

LONDON - England - The vile reign of rat Sadiq Khan as Mayor of London…

4 days ago

MI5 20 Years Too Late On Chinese Espionage at UK Universities?

OXFORD - England - The MI5 have finally got round to warning UK universities of…

4 days ago

Slot Machine: 7 Tactics of Increasing the Chances of Winning Slot Games

LONDON - England - A slot machine does not have to be a mystery, these…

4 days ago

This website uses cookies.