"It’s Britney Bitches!"

“Britney is amazing. She just ate 4 burritos, 6 pepperoni pizzas, 24 bars of candy, a bucket full of cheetos and a barrel of aspartame cola — and she can still come out on stage and do the moves. I don’t think even Barry White in his heyday could do that,” Britney’s personal fitness coach, Gabriel Finkel, told MTV.

You guessed it folks, bring out the Antares autotune and onstage miming. Britney’s back and this time she’s angry.

“Britney is eager to put the smack down on all of her detractors and the naysayers. She wants to prove to people once and for all that she is a talented star in her own right. The fact that she is so drugged up and bloated is neither here nor there, she wants to attempt to mime better to prove her worth,” her manager, Alan Hymie Weissman, articulated.

Indeed, for the last four months she has been receiving expert miming tuition from the likes of Jennifer Lopez, the Simpson sisters and all the other female singers on the pop circuit at the moment.

As we all know the music biz is awash with female pop starlets who have achieved their place in the annals of pop history by giving the right person the right head — just look at Joss Stone for example. Miming is now an established art form amongst the braindead silicon titted dolly birds who aspire to be big ‘stars’.

In Los Angeles alone, there have been ten miming schools opened within the last year.

“The trick is to actually believe you are singing the song. Only then can you fool the audience. You must exude the correct emotion as well as exaggerate every inflection,” Alanna Tomas, head instructor at the LA School of Stage Mime told the Daily Squib.

Britney fought hard to get back her true talent and is finally cracking the nut after literally going nuts about a year ago.

Although still clinically insane, Britney is kept in check by a team of attendants who follow her everywhere. She is also administered daily with numerous anti-psychotic drugs that some of her close friends and family have questioned.

“Sometimes her left cheek twitches so much we cannot take photographs or we have to stop filming. Her facial cheeks twitch sometimes as well and she also has a way of winking uncontrollably that kind of reminds us of Herbert Lom’s rendition of Chief Inspector Dreyfus from the Pink Panther movies. No, not the crap Steve Martin atrocities, we’re talking about Peter Sellers. If I ever saw Steve Martin I would punch that guy’s fat head very hard for defiling the Pink Panther movies so much. He actually deserves death for his awful, awful Pink Panther film. All the people involved in those Hollywood remakes need to be lined up and shot. Bloody disgraceful,” Britney’s personal physician, Dr Guy Gadoire told MTV.

For what insiders described as her last chance to prove she can still
compete in the pop mime world alongside other mimers like Madonna and Kylie
Minogue, the singer pulled out all the stops.

The Louisiana performance, the first of her 44-date Circus tour, was
widely deemed a success by her brainless amoeba fans, but critics were less enthusiastic,
citing her lip-syncing as a notable disappointment.

This is Britney’s 23rd comeback attempt in six years. Let us hope it is her last.