Secrets of Michael Douglas’ Youth Revealed

Michael Douglas and his much younger wife are a picture of Hollywood glamour walking down Malibu beach as the sun sets over the Pacific ocean.

To look this good costs money, we hear you say. Well, yes, it does. It costs a lot of money, but it is worth every penny.

Excerpts from next month’s edition of Hello magazine reveal the immense lengths that some Hollywood people resort to when fighting the specter of encroaching age upon their huge egos.

Renowned Hollywood Doctor Conrad Franken reveals how Michael Douglas is fooling everyone with his youthful boyish looks:

“The big secret in Hollywood at the moment is a groundbreaking technique which has really hit its stride. We’re talking about a substance that can rejuvenate people who should not even be alive. Treatment can cost an arm and a leg, but it’s worth it.”

We continue to ask the good Doctor what the secret ingredient is. “It’s something that is used in certain industries exclusively and we have simply adopted it into our own. Yes folks, the secret ingredient is (drum roll) — Formaldehyde.”

The procedure that all of Hollywood has been raving about is actually an embalming technique that is commonly used in funeral parlours throughout the world.

Michael Douglas’ face is pumped full of Formaldehyde each morning to keep his flesh from further decomposing. This solution preserves the human tissue and prevents any flacidity of the wasting flesh.

“After the celebrity is pumped up with a Formaldehyde solution a professional embalmer attends to the client and utilises specific makeup techniques to further the youthful illusion,” Doctor Franken exclaimed.

The cost for this daily procedure is $5,000 per three hour session, but most people believe that this is a small price to pay for the appearance of looking alive. It’s a miracle worker for people like Joan Rivers.

“We can work wonders when it comes to changing the appearance of someone’s face, but haven’t yet figured out how to fix their ageing, decrepid bodies so that they match their Formaldehyde injected faces. But it’s only a matter of time before medical science comes up with a solution for that too.”