Cameron: “The Economy is Doing So Great We Have to Raid Your Bank Account”

David Cameron this week revealed the great news that the UK’s economy is doing so well that the government needs to go into peoples’ bank accounts and raid them.

“Yes, the economy is shooting upwards every day. Our deficit is still £1.3 Trillion and rising daily with vast benefits, NHS bills. We hope you don’t mind that we have to go into your bank accounts and take out whatever money is left there after you’ve already paid the massive tax bills in this country,” Cameron was quoted as saying in the New Telegraph newspaper.

Taxation in Britain is amongst the highest in the world, that is unless you are a multi-billionaire or corporation who can do special deals with HMRC. With fuel tax at 85% of the price of petrol, fuel duty in the UK is an enormous revenue spinner for the government, and yet it feels the need to introduce draconian laws allowing raids on private bank accounts. Where is all the money going, you may ask?

Orville Melchard, 53, a businessman from East Sussex said: “They keep talking about entrepreneurs, however it is nigh on impossible to start a business in the UK with the inhibitive taxation system that punishes innovation. Success in Britain, is something that one can only achieve by hiding your money under a mattress.”

There is some good news though, Take That, the insipid banal boy band are now being lumped with a £30 million tax bill for utilising tax avoidance schemes. This news alone, is worth its weight in gold, so there is always a silver lining to any mucky cloud.