Wall Street Stockbrokers Occupy Deserted Field in College Campus

ILLINOIS - USA - A group of forty five top stockbrokers from the country's biggest brokerage firms have camped down in a deserted field at Hicksville University, 34 kms from Chicago.

“We demand our rights to make loads of money and spend it on fast cars, fast women and luxury penthouses,” Larry Silverheimer, 45, a mortgage broker, who earned $16 million last year and paid only $120,000 tax on that, told reporters.

The bankers were flown onto the deserted field via helicopter and their butlers and servants created luxury tents for them to protest from.

“I’m here today to beg the Occupy Wall Street protesters to forgive my excesses. Last year alone I made over $25 million in taxpayer funded bonuses even though I actually lost taxpayers’ bailout money trading. How about that for an amazing turnaround. I was rewarded for failing. Now that’s what I call banking!” Ed Jimsen, 32, a senior banker at Goldman Sachs told the FT.

The assembled bankers want to demand more funds from the Federal Reserve so they can carry on with their luxurious lifestyles.

“The Fed has to pay us some more money because we’ve basically run out of money from the last bailout. We kinda spent it all already. We want the US taxpayers to pay for more of our goodies. Shieet, I have a fleet of Maseratis, Lamborghinis and Ferraris to service, step up to the plate people, y’all owe me,” an angry Billy Batts, 31, senior analyst at J.P. Morgan told a news crew.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by
    Tags: economy

    Recent Posts

    LAMMY: Mandem to be Released Early

    LONDON - England - Labour Justice Secretary David Lammy is to release up to 6,000…

    1 day ago

    15th Five-Year Plan: What China’s Development Means to the World

    DALIAN - China - The World Economic Forum meeting is upbeat about China’s 15th Five-Year…

    2 days ago

    When Mother Earth Speaks Humans Still Do Not Listen

    CARACAS - Venezuela - A 7.5 magnitude earthquake is a small reminder that humans are…

    2 days ago

    Unelected Comrade Burnham Ushering New Era of Communism

    MANCHESTER - England - Unelected Comrade Burnham has destroyed the last vestiges of democracy as…

    4 days ago

    People’s Republic of Soviet Britain Urgent Bulletin Regarding Comrade Starmer

    MANCHESTER - England - Good news comrades. Comrade Starmer has been apprehended and made into…

    5 days ago

    “Comrades, they are coming for me on Monday! This is it!”

    UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - Comrade Starmer has revealed in a communique that a dastardly coup is…

    6 days ago

    This website uses cookies.