LONDON - England - The Daily Squib Media Empire has issued a blanket guarantee of all bank deposits after panic withdrawals by customers in the UK, creating an unstoppable stampede across Europe for an EU-wide bail of the financial system.
“Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.â€
After Irish and Greek banks were the only ones who could guarantee deposits in the whole of Europe, the Daily Squib is set to be the first newspaper which has set up its own financial monetary haven.
As rumours flew in another day of fast-moving drama in Europe, the credit
system continued to flash warning signs of extreme stress. Three-month
Euribor – the benchmark rate used for floating mortgages and financial
contracts — rose to a post-EMU record of 5.33pc.
Governments across Eastern Europe were forced to issue statements on Thursday
assuring depositors that their banks were safe. Traders said Ukraine is on
the brink of a currency crisis.
By depositing your hard earned money in the Daily Squib bank accounts you are guaranteed a bona-fide safe haven for your money.
Chief Finance Editor for the Squib, N. Ron Hubbub speaking from his brand spanking new Lamborghini Murcielago made a statement to investors yesterday: “Your money is safe with us folks. Just deposit everything you have in our bank account and everything will be alright.”
There has already been a hug influx of money into the offshore Daily Squib accounts in the Cayman Islands.
Please deposit all your money to account number: 696966669 Sort Code: 69-69-69
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