Kate Middleton: “I Want Ten More Kids”

“It’s my duty to bang ’em out. They do the same thing on the sink estates and in a way we’re no different. Every time I drop another one, there are headlines, TV specials, commemorative plates, party hats and all sorts of junk sold. It’s part of the Royal business, innit,” the Duchess said whilst changing another nappy.

Now that Kate Middleton finally has a job, she is part of the British economy’s rapidly improving employment statistic.

Chancellor George Osborne is also full of praise for Kate:

“We need more royal babies. Every time she pops one out, the positive economic news sky rockets, we’re only talking 0.03% in actual terms, but over the years, in real terms there could be an increase of 0.05% base points factoring the adaptive expectations of the Kondratieff wave and inflation.”