Constant Tea Breaks by British Jihadis Creating Problems

There’s something about having a nice refreshing cuppa, especially when you’ve got some beheadings to do and the American drones are flying overhead looking for ISIS targets to vapourise.

“I’m a builder by trade, and as you know used to having a cuppa every five minutes, but looks like the Jihadis here don’t do that. They told me one cuppa in the morning and maybe one at night, that is if I’m not dead by then,” John bin Brittani, revealed in Geehads magazine recently.

News from the front travels fast on twitter, and Jihadi commanders have been seen tearing their beards out at the quality of the British jihadis.

“We had one bloke from Salford, Manchester, this geezer said he needed a cup of brew every twenty minutes. He even took his flask with him on operations. I said to him, ‘ere mate, we’re getting shot at, put the flask away. He just wouldn’t have it would he, next thing I know, he’s got his tea and crumpets out with a big grin on his face. Poor fella didn’t make it past his first day, we found him with a cup of piping Earl Grey under a tree and a bullet in him,” Commander of the Al Britanni Brigade, revealed on a recent BBC Newsnight special.