5 Different Ways Julian Assange Can Leave Ecuadorian Embassy

Here are five novel ways Julian Assange can exit the Ecuador embassy in London, which is heavily guarded by British policemen.

1) At midnight Julian goes to the roof of the embassy where he enters a rocket. This high powered jet rocket propels him over the stratosphere and is an exact replica of an Intercontinental ballistic missile except for minor modifications and a human compartment. Once over the Ecuadorian jungle a parachute is deployed bringing Assange back to earth with a soft landing. A homing beacon will alert a rescue team which will arrive quickly before Assange is eaten by wild jungle animals.

2) In the last two years of incarceration Julian Assange may have been tunnelling under the embassy. If the Palestinians can do it in Gaza why not Assange? He has cutlery, maybe a spoon, and he could have been disposing of the soil by some ingenious plan like putting it in his pudding after meals or dropping it out the window onto a policeman’s head.

3) On the hour of his exit from the embassy, 10,000 exact replicas of Julian Assange turn up in the street. What are the cops going to do, arrest every single one of them?

4) Julian Assange gets a sex change on the NHS and becomes Julia Assange, therefore he/she is not liable for any trumped up charges as she is a different person to Julian Assange. This one could be painful for the poor fellow, especially if the meat and two veg have to go.

5) Julian Assange invents a teleport machine where his particles are transported to a remote location far away from the Ecuador embassy in London.