Obama: “I’m Not in Charge Anyway the NSA is”

“Don’t be knockin’ on me. My hands are tied, I got nothin’ to do wit it. I just got into this mess by being elected by accident,” president Obama said from his Hawaiian retreat Sunday night.

The beleaguered president then went on another one of his rants: “They be spying on Finklestein, Carter, Biden and Michelle. Hell, they even spied on my pet dawg, whassisname? Ah, never mind, listen I don’t know what’s going on, I get orders, you know memos about what I gotta say every day, they then tell me to show up some place, read off a teleprompter, then go back to some big ol’ house painted all white n sheeit. You think I asked for all this aggro? Then I got Zuckerburger on one line, Netanyahoo on the other, and who’s that other ass clown, oh yeah, Putin on hold. What you think I am, Superman? I’m just some guy from Kenya who got lucky. NSA is above the law, they can lie to Congress and do whatever they want, and if they don’t like you, well let’s say they can press the delete button whenever they want. Don’t hate the playa hate the game…”