Sochi Olympics Moving to Ukraine

With Vladimir Putin wiping the egg off his face after a major Ukrainian humiliation, the Russian president has vowed to move the winter Olympics from Sochi to Kiev.

“I was wiping the rotten egg off my face this morning and I thought to myself, wasn’t Sochi a wonderful distraction for me? Here was the Russian team winning medals when over in the Ukraine I didn’t notice the capital city being taken over. This is why I’m moving the Sochi Olympics to Kiev. We can have another winter Olympics, this time with even more Molotov cocktails,” Mr Putin said from his luxury apartment in the middle of Moscow.

Some of the winter Kiev Olympic sports that will be displayed:

1) Molotov bob sleigh

2) Ukraine ski shoot

3) Natoboarding

4) World War III skating (on cracked ice)

5) Baton curling (with a bullet riddled steel shield)