Commissar Reeves: “Thanks to my policies we now have 3 trillion debt and the IMF has to bail us out!”

Comrades, thanks to my wonderful taxation policies of increasing taxation levels to never-before-seen levels and punishing all business and wealth in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, I am increasing the national debt to over 3 trillion Soviet pounds. Not only that, our beloved Labour Party spent all the money on socialist pet projects that bring no economic benefit to the country, so the IMF will now have to bail us out.

I am proud to announce that thanks to Labour’s profligate spending on useless socialist pet projects, Britain’s debt burden is projected to rise above 96 percent of GDP. The last time debt reached that level was in the early 1960s, and that was after Britain was still paying off the bloody Yanks for WW2.

When I came into office, I made up a false story that the Tories had left a £22bn black hole in the public finances, and everyone believed me. That gave me an excuse to punish businesses – and working people – with £40bn tax rises in my first Budget. I then went on a wild £70bn per year spending spree mainly on enlarging the Big State and rewarding Big State aparatchiks with vast diamond-plated salaries and pensions working from home on a two-day work week. Naturally this required yet more borrowing. Thankfully unemployment and immigration are up, which is a vast burden on the welfare system, which I have made sure to increase spending on. After that and taxing business to death and all, there was no headroom, so I had to increase taxes by another 45 percent, increase NI contributions, minimum wage payments, which killed off all economic growth in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. That’s why we now have high inflation, increasing tax, increasing unemployment, and increasing debt, which is rising at exponential levels thanks to my policies of ruination and socialist misery.

There was a lady in the 1980s who once said something like this: “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” Personally, I do not see that as a “problem”; it’s just what we do before we get voted out for another few decades, and then when people have had enough of the other lot, they vote us in again to do the same thing all over again.

We love spending, and spending other people’s money until nothing is left, then borrowing more money until everything is okay again. The fact that the country will pay over £1.92 billion per week on interest payments alone to service the debt is of no consequence. We’ll leave that for the next five generations to solve. As long as our own gold-plated Big State salaries and pensions are serviced, the rest can fuck off.

Net Zero is not about the environment, silly. It’s about equality — equality in poverty. The population will all be equal in Net Zero because they will all be poor…apart from us, of course, the Big State Labour Party. This will be part of the transition from socialism to communism.