“Comrades, I welcome 1 million NEETs in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain”

Thanks to the Labour Party’s policies, there are today 1 million NEETs (Not in Education, Employment or Training) in the PRSB. These NEETs cost the economy £128 billion per annum, but this is not enough; our Big State is seeking to increase the number of NEETs by another million in the next two years.

Doomscrolling for life

We are encouraging these young people to be addicted to social media and PIP payments for things like mild depression, headaches, ADHD (or any other made-up mental health issue) and boredom. Thanks to Commissar Reeves’ policies that punish employers and businesses, National Insurance rises, minimum wage increases, business rates increases, employment levels are at the lowest point in decades. Our goal is to ruin the economy further so that more of the population are dependent on the Big State welfare system. You and your children now belong to us — completely, from birth to death.

Comrades, you must remember that having over a million youths out of education, employment and training is a prime Labour objective of complete dependency on the Big State. Remember that the country is in the process of major change as it evolves from socialism to communism. As the great comrade Lenin once said, “The goal of socialism is communism.”

To have millions of NEETs is a solid method of imposing the transition to full communism because, by sucking all the youths into incapacity payments, they will be imprisoned for life within the welfare system for perpetuity, thus encapsulating the Labour government’s push to full communist governance.

URGENT PRSB COMMUNIQUÉ

TINA CATPHLAPP, 23, FROM MICHAEL FOOT STREET, SCUNTHORPE, HAS BEEN AWARDED LARGE AMOUNTS OF PIP PAYMENTS FOR BEING REGISTERED AS A NEET. SHE SUFFERS FROM BOREDOM, CHRONIC SOCIAL MEDIA USE, LOVE ISLAND DISEASE, REALITY TV PSYCHOSIS AND AN IQ REGISTERED AT 27. AS LONG AS SHE VOTES LABOUR SHE WILL BE PART OF THE SYSTEM AND WILL BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE HER ENDEAVOURS AS A NEET.