“Thanks to my choices Britain’s growth and quality of life are lower than Albania”

Comrades of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, I am happy to announce that new GDP figures show that ‘families are getting poorer,’ while my un-growth policies have crippled the economy and left many with no option but to flee the country. Britain’s growth and quality of life are now lower than Albania’s.

Thanks to my heavy tax regime of taxes upon taxes meted out like fucking Smarties, Soviet Britain now has lower economic growth than Bulgaria, Albania, or even Zimbabwe.

The economy may be un-growing, but I am pleased to announce that the population and debt levels are growing at the fastest rate thanks to the illegal immigration, profligate socialist spending, Channel crossings, and those wonderful “student visas” where half of the population of Pakistan, India, Africa, and the Middle East are coming here and overstaying their visas permanently.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) has shown gross domestic product (GDP) rose by 0.1% in the fourth quarter, following growth of 0.1% in the previous three months. In the next quarter, I am hoping for growth to be 0.00001%. Yippee!

Remember, the harder you work in your shitty jobs and the longer hours you work, the more tax I will take from you and leave you worse off. If you try to save money, I will tax you till you have nothing left. We are punishing ‘working people’ so that high party members and civil servants of the Big State can have huge salaries and pension pots whilst you are left with nothing.

Now fuck off out of my sight and get back to work.