The Ghost of Margaret Thatcher Solves the Illegal Small Boats Problem

On Tuesday last week, an apparition appeared in the House of Commons. It was the honourable former prime minister Margaret Thatcher. Assembled MPs witnessed the magnificent sight, and listened to her booming voice of reason and wisdom, transfixed. It seems Maggie not only thinks she is still PM, but still has that Iron Lady touch with serious words of wisdom.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There comes a moment when a government must stand firm — not just in defence of its borders, but in defence of its very right to govern.

That moment is now.

We are witnessing a troubling development across the English Channel. Day after day, small boats set sail from the shores of a friendly nation, France, carrying those who have chosen not to enter our country through legal means, but to challenge the authority of the British state.

Let me be clear: Britain has always been a haven for the truly persecuted, the genuinely displaced. We have opened our arms to those who share our values, respect our laws, and come to contribute — not to undermine.

But what we are now confronting is not a refugee crisis. It is a crisis of will. A crisis of law. And a crisis of sovereignty.

These crossings are not made from war zones, but from a neighbouring country that enjoys peace, prosperity, and the protection of the European Union. Those arriving are not being hunted by tyrants. Many come not in desperation, but in opportunism, lured by the illusion that Britain is weak, soft, and blind to its own borders.

They are mistaken.

A nation that cannot control its borders is not a nation at all. And I shall not preside over the managed decline of British sovereignty.

Prior to becoming prime minister in 1978 I said: “People are really rather afraid that this country might be rather swamped by people with a different culture”. That fear has never left our shores, and is still prevalent today, and I can clearly see it.

That is why my government will act, decisively and without apology.

We shall bolster our maritime defences. The Royal Navy will be given new powers to intercept illegal vessels and escort them back to safe shores in France, firmly, but lawfully. There shall be no more silent drift into chaos.

We shall reform our asylum laws so that claims made in transit from safe nations shall be deemed inadmissible. We will not entertain legal games played by those who have refused protection in France, only to exploit our generosity here. We shall fast-track deportations of illegal entrants with no asylum claim. Cut legal aid and appeals loopholes to prevent “gaming the system” and introduce detention on arrival policies.

We shall suspend any agreement that encourages dependency or inaction from our European neighbours. And if France cannot — or will not — police its own beaches, then we shall have to reconsider the terms of our cooperation. We shall impose customs friction on French goods, withhold payments under any bilateral migration treaties (like the modern Le Touquet Agreement), introduce diplomatic sanctions and funding freezes related to border control failures by the French.

We shall not entertain leering, arrogant, ponce French Presidents like the one currently in office.

It’s a firm “Up Yours! Macron! No! No! No!”

We shall ensure that those who enter illegally do not receive benefits, housing, or legal aid paid for by the hard-working British taxpayer. Our compassion must be tempered with common sense.

And let us speak plainly: this is not a question of race, nor creed. It is a question of the rule of law. The British people are not xenophobic, but they are not fools, either. They know the difference between genuine need and calculated exploitation.

Some may protest. Some will wring their hands from comfortable armchairs. But I did not come into politics to be popular. I came to do what is right.

Britain is not for sale. Our values are not negotiable. And our borders will not be breached with impunity.

Let the world know: Britain remains a proud, sovereign nation. A generous host to the deserving, but never a soft touch for the lawless.

And to those who think they can test the resolve of this island’s people, I say this:

You may cross the sea, but you will not cross this government.

Thank you, I must get back to Denis, he’s had way too much again …