“It is not our fault. We blame the Tories of course for the massive increase in illegal asylum seekers,” the absent PM Keir Starmer told no one in particular.

When asked by a reporter if anything was being done, Home Office Secretary Yvette Cooper stuck her neck out and said: “Asylum seekers? Where?”

The number of people claiming asylum has almost doubled since 2021. There were 173,000 grants of settlement in the UK in the year ending March 2025, a third more than in the previous year.

Illegal Channel crossings have increased to such a level under the Labour government that every day, multiple rubber dinghies overflowing with fake asylum seekers land on British shores escorted by the French Navy.

The Labour government have said that there is no problem and there is nothing to worry about.

100,000 asylum seekers could be given taxpayer-funded homes