Trump Planning to Put Tariffs on the Moon

“You know, I look at the moon and I say, what did the moon do for me lately. It’s stuck up there, okay it looks wonderful, tremendous, but I gotta say it doesn’t give me anything back, or the United States for that matter. What’s its purpose? It’s just taking up space, and that’s why I’m announcing 156% tariffs on the moon from Tuesday. We’re going to teach the moon that it’s gotta pay us, and not just exist in that space place. We’re making space great again, guys. Let’s have some applause here.”

The Dow Jones index, S&P 500, NASDAQ, FTSE 100, DAX and NIKKEI all dropped by 3,400% a few seconds after Trump’s speech.

Fund managers were scrambling on Tuesday to comprehend the grandiosity of the new Trump tariff directive.

“It’s fuckin’ chaos in the markets already, and Trump just added billions of dollars of Trump tariffs to the fricking moon?” Crisco Luboyell, a senior fund manager for Phuckeria and Fayandout Capital Investments of New York, told CNN.