Britain to Present Machete Fighting and Stabbing as New Olympic Event

Labour’s Sport Minister, Ivor Binstab’d is flying to France today to present the new Olympic sport of Rabid Machete Fighting and Stabbing, because these activities are so prevalent in the UK.

“It’s everywhere here, you can go to the seaside, or walk to your local shop, and you are certain to encounter a rabid machete fight between young thugs, or be involved in a mass stabbing. I’ve only got one arm because the other one was chopped off by a 12-year-old machete wielding thug last week.” (showing off his stump proudly)

The French Olympics Committee and IOC will have a look at the British proposal, and consider whether the events should be included in this year’s Olympic Games.

“What’s great about living in the UK is that the police are powerless here, as they do not have guns. This is why there is so much crime, because criminals know the police are completely useless and no threat to anyone. In the UK, we are proud of the fact that our police are completely useless, unlike in other countries where they have guns and can stop violent criminals from hurting the public.”