World

Home Secretary: “I Will Solve Mass Immigration Problem”

LONDON - England - Home Secretary Yvette Cooper has vowed to slow down the mass immigration into the country.

Home Secretary Yvette Cooper has vowed to solve Britain’s mass immigration problem during her term in office at the Home Office.

“For every 20 million migrants crossing the border, my neck will grow an inch. If I do not do my job correctly, I’ll end up looking like a fucking giraffe,” Cooper vowed today, speaking in parliament to heckles and cheers.

She’s already got a head start

The open door policy of the previous Conservative government will possibly be mirrored by Labour, seeing as every migrant is a voter for Labour.

The Home Secretary addressed parliament about this pressing issue today.

“Yes, yes, under Tony Blair’s tenure as PM, he let in half of Romania, Albania and Bulgaria, but that’s neither here nor there. My plan is to speak to the traffickers and tell them to stop doing what they are doing to make literally millions of pounds in pure profit per month trafficking desperate migrants from Third World countries to the UK. You just have to be nice with them. If I ask them nicely, and show empathy and kindness, they will surely shut their operations down.”

Looks like Yvette Cooper’s neck is going to reach great heights in the next few years.

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  • Reader support keeps the caffeine flowing.
  • Disqus Comments Loading...
    Share
    Published by

    Recent Posts

    DEFENCELESS BRITAIN – The Practical British Prepper: A Three-Month Household Plan

    LONDON - England - Britain is defenceless and bankrupt. It is not too late if…

    1 day ago

    Why Labour is Destroying British Pubs

    LONDON - England - Labour is destroying British pubs. Across the British Isles, thousands of…

    3 days ago

    King Charles Agrees to Meghan Markle Statue at Buckingham Palace

    LONDON - England - King Charles III has agreed to a Meghan Markle statue to…

    6 days ago

    Dangerous Criminal Disappointed by Early Release Thanks to Labour

    WORMWOOD SCRUBS - England - A dangerous criminal is seriously disappointed with his early release…

    6 days ago

    Comrade Burn’em Residing at His Manchester Dacha For Holiday

    MANCHESTER - England - Comrade Burn'em has retired to his dacha up north after two…

    7 days ago

    Digital Science Launches Papers AI: an AI-Native Researcher Workspace for Writing, Data and Code

    LONDON - England - Digital Science launches Papers AI which gives researchers and students an…

    7 days ago

    This website uses cookies.