Home Secretary: “I Will Solve Mass Immigration Problem”

Home Secretary Yvette Cooper has vowed to solve Britain’s mass immigration problem during her term in office at the Home Office.

“For every 20 million migrants crossing the border, my neck will grow an inch. If I do not do my job correctly, I’ll end up looking like a fucking giraffe,” Cooper vowed today, speaking in parliament to heckles and cheers.

She’s already got a head start

The open door policy of the previous Conservative government will possibly be mirrored by Labour, seeing as every migrant is a voter for Labour.

The Home Secretary addressed parliament about this pressing issue today.

“Yes, yes, under Tony Blair’s tenure as PM, he let in half of Romania, Albania and Bulgaria, but that’s neither here nor there. My plan is to speak to the traffickers and tell them to stop doing what they are doing to make literally millions of pounds in pure profit per month trafficking desperate migrants from Third World countries to the UK. You just have to be nice with them. If I ask them nicely, and show empathy and kindness, they will surely shut their operations down.”

Looks like Yvette Cooper’s neck is going to reach great heights in the next few years.