New Gov. Department ‘Ministry of Awkward Eye Gestures’ Opens to Blinking Praise

Apparently it is now a racist crime to roll your eyes, especially in the newly formed government department, the Ministry of Awkward Eye Gestures.

Colin Wurzeraque, the Head of the new department, revealed to the BBC why the Ministry of Awkward Eye Gestures is an integral and important part of the governmental apparatus.

“I am very proud of our new department (looks left, then up for 5 seconds, before opening eyes wide at a 45-degree angle) we innovate and adapt creative ways we can convey our emotions through the art of eye gestures (blinking really fast then rolling eyes up, so only the whites show). Our awkward eye gesture academy is another crucial part of civil service training, where we decipher complex eye gestures and interpret them for ministerial departments in parliament. Say if you roll your eyes in a particular way, that microaggression conveys a rather nasty message of racism (looks down with one eye whilst simultaneously looking up with another). Just yesterday, a Conservative MP came into my office and wanted to know why his assistant constantly looks away when speaking to him. We analysed the situation, and came to the conclusion that the assistant thinks that the MP in question is a total wanker and a cunt of the highest order. Problem solved, and since then the assistant was replaced by someone more suitable, an assistant whose eyes light up with joy and admiration every time the MP walks into his office.”

So, what will the primary role for the £450 million Ministry of Awkward Eye Gestures be? Well, we’ve already fucking explained that, so please go back and read it all again (rolling eyes in abject disgust and disdain).