David Cameron Lost Without His Brokeback Friend Nick Clegg

“I remember the Brokeback Coalition with my dear old friend in the tent, Cleggy. I used to get the butter out and oil the hole of our parliamentary coalition. Now I am stuck with this Fishy Rishi bloke who just ain’t my type,” the former PM David Cameron told his wife from their quaint mansion in the Cotswolds.

“For goodness’ sake, pull yourself together David, don’t you understand Cleggy has moved on now. He is getting paid loads of wonga by Facebook’s Zuck to keep the platform as wokified and yella as possible.”

Things are really desperate in the Tory Party it seems especially when all the actual Conservatives have been turfed out, and they are now resorting to employing people like Cameron to somehow do something about those poll numbers.

“They could try and bring back Thatcher or Churchill from the dead. How about cloning their DNA and putting the clones in the Tory Cabinet, the only thing you never want to bring back though is that grey monstrosity John Major and his Salmonella egg diving ways,” a distraught Tory MP said weeping into his handkerchief.

Here’s to another Brokeback Coalition, this time with Rishi Sunak and David Cameron. Don’t forget the Ghee.