Retired Mike Pence to Open Maggot Farm in Wisconsin

Former Vice President Mike Pence has announced he will no longer run for America’s top job in 2024, and has instead revealed he will open a maggot farm in Wisconsin.

Yellow coward Mike Pence said he is dropping out of the 2024 Presidential race in a shock announcement in Las Vegas on Saturday. His presidential campaign raised a whopping $3.42 from donors and voters.

Pence said: “I came here to say that I am resigning from the Presidential race because I am inherently a coward, and any form of responsibility, patriotism or decision-making scares me to the core — especially president stuff. Instead, I choose to retire to a maggot farm in Wisconsin. As a yella coward I kinda relate to maggots and I am myself a maggot, so I think this is a very apt solution to my backstabbing, cowardice and treachery in the past,”

He added: “I have many regrets, and one of them is that I didn’t hide away in a maggot farm many years ago. I love those maggots!”

Pence was a long shot in the Republican Primary race, which has been dominated by former president Donald Trump, who was also Mike Pence’s boss while he was in the White House.

“I cannot wait to get stuck in into the maggot farm, to see ’em all wriggling around and the smell and sound of millions of maggots really excites me,” Pence added with enthusiasm.