Obese Giraffes Stampede Encampment Killing 20 Tourists

“I was cooking some burgers for our dinner on the fire pit when out of the darkness came a large stampede sound. Some of our tents were squashed completely, including, sadly, their inhabitants. It was those bloody obese giraffes, and this time the blighters had gone too far, we need to put them on a bloody diet again!” Tjaart Van Schalkwyk, the camp’s chef, recounted of the incident on Friday.

According to the Serengeti Times, the obese giraffes smelled the burgers from over a mile away and as they are addicted to junk food, thought it was feeding time.

“We blame the American safari tourists who come here and bring all this nasty junk food for the giraffes. We have one herd now who are all seriously obese. They cannot even mate anymore on land and have to do it in the river, where some get taken by crocs,” park ranger, Ngumu Mandingo, told reporters.

The tourist encampment near the N’gong Rocks, and the Grumeti River where holidayers paid over $4,500 per night to stay, was today in complete ruins. Many of the tents were squashed or ripped apart. One of the obese giraffes stepped on a porter’s foot during the stampede, and practically flattened it. Many tourists, mostly Americans perished in their tents, one couple having an illicit affair were in the middle of having wild sex when a giraffe tripped on a rope squashing the pair in flagrante. Later on, their spouses had to identify the bodies.

Serengeti Park chiefs are currently discussing a diet plan for the obese giraffes, and are even considering banning American tourists to the park for a while until the giraffes lose some weight.

“We had one tour where each American tourist had literally buckets of KFC, they even brought Twinkies and all sorts of junk to feed the giraffes,” a Serengeti Park spokesman revealed on Friday.