Biden Hails ‘Special Relationship’ with India During Rishi Sunak’s Visit

“We welcome the President of India, Rishi Sunak. Top o the morning to ya! We, Irish, hate those British Black and Tans swine as much you Indians do,” Joe Biden announced on Thursday.

When asked by a reporter if everything was okay, Biden replied: “Feck off fella, ahm fluthered, had one too many of the black stuff dis mornin’. Eh, I could savage a curry roight now! Me legs are all gammy and banjaxed. ‘Ere boyo…Sunak did yer bring us a curry? C’mon yer little bugger, tell me youse brought us one of those knicker blasters from India that makes yer piss outta yer feckin’ arse!”

At one point, Mr Sunak tried to explain that he was the British Prime Minister who had come to the White House to beg for a trade deal post Brexit, but Mr Biden was not having none of it.

“If I had my way, I would nuke those English. Those eejits can eff off they’re always acting the maggot! Would ya get outta the garden it’s a complete haymes — ahm talkin’ about me Y-fronts, ah think I just shite meself. Oof! Don’t be a dryshite and stand there, get me a feckin’ toilet roll ya gobshite! Now c’mon Sunak boyo, I bet ya could peel an orange in yer pocket! Where’s me feckin’ curry, I ordered it turtee minutes ago?”