Israel to Give Palestinians Land in the Sea

“Since 1946 we have bulldozed and murdered these sub-humans and they have bombed us with their suicide missions. They are lower than dogs or even Gentiles. I say to you Palestinians, you may finally have a piece of your own land, and it is a good sizeable portion that you may cultivate. We will give you an armed escort to the beaches where our rich countrymen and women enjoy their holidays, and we will push you into the sea. That is your land under the deep waters of the Red Sea. Now go and get some of your belongings and be prepared to swim until you lose all your energy. No boats are allowed or you will be shot on sight. You are allowed one fishing rod each to sustain yourselves while you paddle around in the waters. If you cannot swim, hold onto the person next to you so they too are pulled under the waves. Pray for sharks, so that your plight can be finished quickly. Now go on, get out of my sight,” the Israeli PM said on a broadcast to Palestinian news stations on Saturday.

Israeli troops will visit Palestinian ghettos first thing on Monday to round up the Palestinians for the final repatriation process to begin. The remaining Palestinians can be somewhat troublesome and some unrest may follow but what are rocks banging against tanks and bulldozers going to do?

“We are giving you an oasis in the sea. Do not be afraid. Just stay in front of the troops as they push you into the waters. You are now free to do as you wish. Shalom.” an IDF spokeswoman said with a gentle voice on another announcement.

The Palestinians were however too busy watching the genius of the Larry David episode “Palestinian Chicken” to even care about it all.