Prince Andrew Says Belmarsh Prison Not Too Bad

“It is rather pleasant actually, one gets up in the morning, potters around the room, then I squat on the bucket for awhile, maybe read a novel or two. The drawbacks of course are no tax payer funded holidays to far flung luxury destinations every week, no butler, and no 5 star taxpayer funded hotel stays with all the special perks. Fergie came in last week and tried to smuggle in a stick of dynamite in some fois gras but the screws caught her. Mama sent me a postcard two days ago, she says I should enjoy every moment of staying at one of her Majesty’s special hotels. It is rather daunting but I really shouldn’t have been trespassing on royal grounds and I’m ever so grateful for the police finally catching me,” a rather contemplative Prince Andrew told the Daily Telegraph today.

The prince, who will be detained for the next twenty years had filed an appeal at the court hearing but it was quashed when the police stepped in with further incriminating evidence.

“I’ve also teamed up with an old family friend to do a prison version of It’s a Knockout. O we had such a laugh in the eighties with him and it was good to see him again,” the Duke of York added.