War Isn’t Such a Bad Thing Say Experts

“You know, you get called to war, you go and fight, then you come home, well, some of you do,” Ernest J. Binkle one of the experts told CNN.

Speaking on Sunday, the war expert gave some positive reasons to go to war.

“First off, you get to watch the Shock and Awe live on television, it’s really great you see those missiles and bombs slamming down on more brown people. Makes you feel good to be safe in the good ol’ U S of A. Secondly, post-war shares always rise, we’re talking it’s good for the economy. Not only that, we get increased military spending, which is good for the economy too. Thirdly, heck let’s not lie here, we’re Americans and we frickin’ love war. It’s all about eating red meat and shooting off on some poor people who can’t defend themselves. Remember folks, we only pick on the small fry, we never go for the big guys, or we’d have to really fight and that’s kinda scary. Fourth, we all forget about all the other stuff that’s really important and concentrate on releasing more depleted uranium on some poor sons of bitches. So if you’re a true NeoCon, you gotta support war, it’s the only sensible thing to do. Remember what Uncle Bush once said, ‘…either you’re with us or you’re a terrorist’ now c’mon get with the war footing already. You know in the back of your mind you really want to see those bombs flying. Makes ya proud to feel like an American.”

War is peace, a great gentleman once said, and it looks like these more recent war experts are sort of right.

Another positive thing about war is that Americans get to realise where things are on a world map a little better.

“I never knew where Syria was or if it even existed before I heard it on Fox News. I gots me some geography lesson now huh, hyuk, hyuk, hyuk,” Jim Bob Marlin, from Kentucky told a local radio station on Friday.