Egyptians Celebrate Transition From One Dictator to Next Dictator

“This is the happiest day of my life. We have really achieved something here. We now have a new dictator to brutally rule over us. Hip hip hurray!” a Tahrir Square protester said whilst joyously punching the air before forcing himself onto a female protester and aggressively sexually assaulting her.

The third Egyptian revolution in five months was seen as a relatively painless affair, with minimal lynchings and rapes.

“If we get tired of one dictator, we riot so that another one is installed, then we continue with the charade. I still live in a mud brick hovel with no running water or sanitation, but I think the next dictator may be better for me and my family of 45,” Basim Al-Ghaud, a postman who delivers to the Zamalek district said before roughly assaulting a burka clad woman.