Ed Balls to Ban All Red Lights When Labour Elected

“As you all know, I have a slight aversion to red lights. I like to tear through them at high speed on my way home from parliament. That’s why I want to ban red lights. It’s going to be green all the way, especially at crossroad junctions. You can’t say that Labour is not thinking of road users. We want to get Britain moving again,” Mr Balls said from a six car pileup in Westminster today.

The Conservatives were however not so happy about what the Labour Chancellor plans to do if Labour wins the election.

Speaking from his bicycle in Islington, Mayor Boris Johnson said: “Absolute tosh. This Ed Balls chap is one ball short of a hairy sack. What about us cyclists, we’ve been running red lights all the time, now he’s saying that cars can do it too?”