NSA Snooping: People Now Turning to Carrier Pigeons For Everyday Correspondence

“I’ve got nothing to hide but I just don’t like the fact that every word I write is logged and I am tracked everywhere. Now if I want to write something, it is very simple, I write it on a piece of paper in code and send it via carrier pigeon to any of my friends. It usually gets to them in one day but depending on distance, it can be quite a wait to get an answer. I value my privacy and no scumbag commie bastard is going to stop that,” Elizabeth Dredger, told Fox News.

All across the United States people are learning about carrier pigeons.

Carrier Pigeons have been used throughout history and before the advent of radio, carrier pigeons were frequently used on the battlefield as a means for a mobile force to communicate with a stationary headquarters. In the 6th century BC, Cyrus, king of Persia, used carrier pigeons to communicate with various parts of his empire.

During the 19th-century Franco-Prussian War, besieged Parisians used carrier pigeons to transmit messages outside the city; in response, the besieging German Army employed hawks to hunt the pigeons. 

The First and Second World Wars were no exception, carrier pigeons were used to transport messages back to their home coop behind the lines.

A carrier pigeon’s job was dangerous. Nearby enemy soldiers often tried to shoot down pigeons, knowing that released birds were carrying important messages. Some of these pigeons became quite famous among the infantrymen they worked for. One pigeon, named “The Mocker”, flew 52 missions before he was wounded. Another, named “Cher Ami”, was injured in the last week of World War I. Though she lost her foot and one eye, her message got through, saving a large group of surrounded American infantrymen.

 “Catch the pigeon”

Upon hearing of the carrier pigeons, the dastardly President Obama is now trying to thwart the use of carrier pigeons because of his push to stop all forms of free and private conversation. He has ordered special carrier pigeon traps and will fine anyone who uses a carrier pigeon or send them to prison for attempted free speech.

“You are all enemies of the state now. I have ordered the NSA to shoot down any carrier pigeons and my drones will be patrolling the skies. We cannot have citizens of my tyranny talking in private. We must log and analyse your every action, your every word should be in a database to be kept forever. We already have vast files on every citizen and we will not stop until all carrier pigeons are eliminated,” Mr Obama said from the White House Rose Garden, before a passing pigeon left a gooey white splat on his head.