TSA to Replace X-Ray Scanners With Man in Booth

“We will be replacing the intrusive x-ray scanners at airports because they were deemed unconstitutional and invaded peoples’ private parts. Instead we are rolling out our new booths. This will be a blacked out red booth with two holes in it. There will be a TSA guy on the other side and he will not be able to see who he is groping when he puts his hands through the holes in the wall. We call it the TSA Glory Hole Wall. Don’t worry folks, you will not be able to see the identity of the TSA man whilst he puts his hands all over you or under your clothes. Thank you for your cooperation and have a safe journey now,” Ed Waszinski, one of the TSA spokesmen revealed at a press conference today.

There were mixed feelings about the new TSA red booth checking zones from passengers as one woman who had her breasts fondled and cupped said she heard groaning on the other side of the booth.

“They told me to go in there so I complied. Then as the TSA guy’s hands came through the holes it was all dark. I think I heard a groaning sound as the sick pervert got to work. To my knowledge, he didn’t even use gloves. Must have been in the booth for twenty minutes,” Angela Street, 23, a college sophomore from New Jersey revealed.

Remember folks, this is all for your own safety.