Cameron: “We Support Al Qaeda in Syria But Not in UK”

“Just like the United States supported Al Qaeda during the Afghanistan war against the Russians, so are we supporting the Al Qaeda rebels in Syria against Assad. But let me make this clear, er..we don’t want them beheading people in the UK please, so kindly stop that..okay. You can do it in Syria or some other god forsaken place but not in civilisation,” Mr Cameron said shrugging his shoulders during the Number10 announcement to the press.

The chillaxer in chief, who was instrumental in destroying Libya, then went on to say that there is no hypocrisy involved with the UK and US’s actions and everything is just fine.

As with the Boston bombers in the US who were feted by the FBI, so too were the Woolwich killers by MI5.

Mayor, Boris Johnson chimed in later: “There is no need to worry folks. Just please get back to watching the X Factor and Kardashians. You do not need to think about anything serious or troubling. Just don’t venture South of the river, that’s all. Never been to Sarf London myself and I’m the bloody London Mayor, innit.”