Am I President Yet?

The basement is dark and cold, but it’s home to Joe Biden, and he is comfortable there. He’s just waiting patiently to be president.

“I feel protected by these four slimy walls in my basement, and it keeps me away from the squabbles and attacks up there. Sure you can call it a safe space, but the less people hear me talk the better it is for me and the Democrats,” Biden whispered in his cold dark basement.

It’s not long now, and despite the numerous scandals whipping around his family, Joe says he is doing just fine.

Crooked Joe looks around in the dark, and stumbles across approximately 15 large sacks.

“Lemme take a look in here, what is this? Jeezus! Look at all of this money! Where did this all come from? Ah, here’s a note on of these sacks of money! (squinting eyes) ‘Here’s your cut dad! Or should I say The Big Guy! Don’t worry no one will ever find out about it. Love Hunter.’ Oh, ahum, yeah during the Obama presidency, shhhh, better push these in the corner.”

Biden smiles triumphantly, and starts giggling to himself. It’s all in the bag, the polls are 99% proof he will be voted in.

“We got the poll numbers, it’s going to be a landslide Democrat win across the country, that’s what they keep telling me. The polls are all taken from Democrat areas, and we limit the Republicans in the polling group so the numbers always look great. Sometimes I open the trap door and peek out to see what’s going on, and I also get my food. Like, I open my mouth and they put food in there, sometimes they give me mashed potatoes or mashed beans. Yesterday, I had mashed baby food in a tiny jar. I asked my wife if that was it, and she said yeah!”

Suddenly, Joe perks up! A big rat just went up his pyjama trousers and bit one of his testicles.

“Whoah! I just thought I felt something. Nah! Nothing! As I was sayin’ I’m gonna beat George…beat George W….Trump! When I come outta here I will be president! I b-b-bet you five dullarrrs! (Slurring his words, Joe slowly winds down, his eyes close and a big load of drool drips all over the already wet floor. Time to sleep! Big days ahead for Sleepy Joe)

It’s only a matter of time Joe, soon you will come out of the basement to become the next U.S. President of the United States.