U.S. Gun Ban Could Make Americans Less Friendly Say Experts

“When an American greets you, they’re probably packing some heavy weaponry and could blow you away at any moment. Therefore they’re content at that very fact and will be happy and smile at you. If you however took away the guns, then there could be a different story. Like, they could be seriously angry, they might be rude because they know they don’t have a gun and can’t shoot so many holes in you that you’d resemble a piece of frickin’ Swiss cheese,” psychologist Dr. Derrick Granthalstein, who is head of the project revealed in his latest research.

The study which was compiled over six years and collated data from over 200,000 Americans is the most intensive study on American gun culture yet.

“That’s why Americans are so loud and brash when they’re on their holidays abroad. They don’t have their guns so they panic. They might be in a cafe in Paris and someone accidentally pushes a chair back too far bumping the glass of wine on the table. The American immediately reaches into his pocket for a Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum but instead comes up with a travel brochure of the Left Bank. He is furious, he gets up and starts talking really loudly and shouting. Immediately he has been exposed as an American without a gun and everyone just tuts and they get on with what they were doing,” Dr. Granthalstein added.

Sadly, after releasing the new research findings on Thursday, Dr. Granthalstein was shot and killed in a fast food drive-in restaurant because he did not drive through fast enough to get his burger.