Xi Jinping: “Everything is Okay in China”

The Chinese president, Xi Jinping has pronounced today at an impromptu press conference that the situation is under control in China and everyone is doing just fine.

“Dear Comrades, there is nothing to worry about. Everything is dandy, and I can confidently inform you that everything is under control in the coronavirus hit area of the whole of China. There is nothing to worry about, in fact I encourage you all to congregate at the live food markets again where they sell bats, rats, and assorted snakes so you can eat these Chinese delicacies to your hearts content.”

在中國一切都很好

One reporter during the conference dared to ask the president about the mass graves where thousands of Chinese people are being dumped daily. He was immediately silenced and thrown out by six burly guards.

President XI Jinping also today announced to the communist nation that Chinese New Year festivities will be extended for a whole year to celebrate this especially auspicious time.