Euro Saved By Dismantling Churches Across Europe

BRUSSELS - Belgium - There were cheers in the streets of all European countries today when billions of Euros were taken from the bloated coffers of the Catholic, Protestant and Orthodox churches.

“We have saved the EU and euro with a very simple solution. We took the vast trillions of euros languishing in the bank vaults put there by the various churches across Europe. Not only do these institutions get massive tax breaks and funding from the government and people but they also have a vast property portfolio and bank riches. All of that has been now used to plug the EU debt hole. In Greece, the Orthodox church is so rich that they do not even know what to do with all their money. As for Spain, the Catholic church is rich beyond anyone’s wildest dreams, as for Italia, the Holy See is a city unto itself with an enormous economy larger than even many countries. This will all be liquidated and given back to the people from whom they stole it all,” Joseph Breitlinger, EU Banking Minister told Euro Today news service.

Normal operations will still take place within all religious buildings in the EU, just that the massive wealth that these institutions have greedily acquired will not be there anymore.

“If we sold off all the church riches, not only could we feed every man and woman in the EU twenty times over for the next hundred years but the whole world could be fed as well. They have trillions of euros stashed away in vaults, thousands of tonnes of gold and millions of properties that could help millions of people worldwide,” Edith Guernica, a Spanish EU politician told Reuters.