Disgraced Prince Andrew Exiled to Benidorm

Anti-royalists are no doubt rejoicing at the relegation of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew from royal duties, or as he put it, a permanent jet-setting holiday, as Britain’s trade envoy.

The Queen has very astutely summoned her son to the palace to be told the grave news.

“Damage control is the byword here. The palace can’t have a loose cannon firing off all over the place, especially on TV interviews,” a palace commentator revealed.

The American lawyers for the former prostitutes, who the financier, Epstein employed for their services, are now calling for the Duke of York to hand himself in to American justice for his part with the Epstein operation.

There’s absolutely no chance of the duke going anywhere near America any time soon. He will instead be in Benidorm, Spain, a place where package holiday Britons from Northern England go every year to vomit and copulate in the streets.

“We are not sure Benidorm is the best place for Prince Andrew but he will certainly be welcome here. There are many expats in Benidorm, we welcome him with open arms,” Tony Scott, a prominent expat at the Spanish beach resort told local papers.

Egg and chips, plenty of booze and lots of slappers. Sounds like the ailing prince will be in his own heaven, alas, it will not be St Tropez or Monaco.