Conservative Party to Get Loads of Votes in European Elections

The polling company that conducted the survey on 10,000 dead people across the United Kingdom came up with the amazing statistics which will bolster Theresa May and her Conservative party team.

“We interviewed 10,000 corpses, and found that they would all vote Conservative at the European elections. We will even try to deliver the coffins to the polling stations on the day,” head of BORI polls, Masjit Bandasara, told Sky news today.

Contrary to other polls that project a major drubbing of the Conservative party due to the lacklustre ‘leadership’ of Theresa May and her Remainers, the most recent poll has been greeted with delight at Tory HQ.

“Well, who better to vote for the Tory party than dead people. Look at Theresa May, she is barely being held together by the thick formaldehyde makeup she wears over her decaying rotting face,” one poor Tory said before slinking back into a dark corner.

Labour denizens were quick to chime in, the leader even accusing the Tories of trying to skew the vote by cheating.

“Labour brought in millions of migrants into the UK from 1997 onward for the very reason that we would get votes, but now the sneaky Tories are trying to use dead people to bolster their voter base. This is a criminal action and we will go to the electoral commission about this outrage!” Jeremy Corbyn said from his dacha in Islington.