Obama Will Still Play Golf During Nuclear War

“If he’s on Air Force One or in the bunker, Mr President will be swinging and hitting those golf balls onto the fairway, because nothing gets in the way of the Prez and a good game of f*cking golf,” Bill Hardy, a senior Obama aide told Newsweek.

The bunker deep underneath the White House is fitted with a quarter size fully equipped golf course and even holds numerous golf buggies. If nuclear Armageddon did ever happen, the President would be ready to tee off in less than fifteen minutes.

“It’s a great way of releasing stress. You know, while everyone up there is getting fried and disintegrated, Barack will wile away the hours, months and even years whacking that ball around a faux grass golf course. We’ve even got specially trained caddies on standby just in case Iran or Russia does attack us,” Mr Hardy added.