Santorum Visits Sanitarium

As Republican candidates go, you can’t get more boring and clean-cut than Rick Santorum, that is until today, when he visited a sanitarium on his way to Michigan.

Proprietor and keeper of the CC DeVille Sanitarium, Joel Aburdside, said: “This Italian prick turns up, he keeps talkin’ about abortions, Satan and how we’re going to have to cleanse the nation. He kept babbling about the Pope and Jesus and looking around all wild eyed. Well, I thought to myself this guy ain’t all here. Anyone who starts talking to God and Jesus over their shoulder is clinically insane. We need to intern him for some psychiatric evaluations, stick him in the rubber room, dose him up with some chemical lobotomy shit. Well, we did just that folks, there’s the paisan over there, he’s in cell B7 right now talking about hell’s damnation and how he’s gong to win the presidential elections. You can’t get more crazy than that.”

What was meant to be a routine tour stop has turned out to be a nightmare for Mr Santorum, as he has been interned indefinitely in the sanitarium until he is seen fit to be released maybe in ten or twenty years.

The presidential hopeful’s aides and campaign managers were distraught today and running around like headless chickens.

“Poor bastard went in to the sanitarium and he can’t get out now. This is some bad news for the Republicans,” a chuckling Democrat on Capitol Hill told CBS news.