Tube Drivers Demand Chauffeur Driven Limousines

London tube drivers, who are paid £65,000 per annum with expense accounts, final salary retirement plans, pay increases every few months and free rail travel perks for them and their whole families, are said to be disgruntled that union bosses have not come up with a better deal regarding travel to work every day.

“We are demanding a chauffeur driven limousine drives us to our respective stations every day so we can sit in a train for a few hours and push a dead man’s handle between stations. Why should I have to pay for petrol in my own car to get to the station where I work?” striking tube driver, Keith Arusholle, told the BBC.

Travellers on London’s Underground network face disruption as drivers belonging to the union Aslef stage another 24-hour strike over working conditions and pay.

Last week, Aslef negotiated another 15% pay rise for the tube drivers and a £7,000 bonus to work during the Olympic games.

Aslef secretary, Barry Blackmailer, told a news conference: “Ho, ho, ho. Once again we want ordinary Londoners to suffer so we can increase our wealth. No doubt, council tax will have to rise to pay for our union members to live the life of Riley. So get to it idiots, pay up, and remember, there will be another 23% hike in train fares as well. Merry f*cking Christmas!”