Theresa May to Release Book on ‘How to Bargain’

Shameful PM Theresa May is to release a book giving tips on how to bargain, Number 10 Downing Street has revealed.

“If the price of the apple is 35 pence, this is when I give the shopkeeper £2.60,” a quote from one of the lessons shows.

There are also tips on how to haggle.

“Say if I wanted to buy an antique model of a donkey made in China in 2012 to put on my mantle piece for sale at a local market. The man may say to me “That’ll be £40,000 please!” and I will answer “Here you go!” and hand over the money. Plus you have to show always that you’re really excited and fixated on the thing you want to buy, so the seller can raise the price as much as he wants.”

One section of Theresa May’s 3 page manual even advises people on how to negotiate with the EU.

“They come into the room and say that they want this, this and that. I then capitulate to everything they ask without a word. After all they are my master, and I am a mere servant. Also, before leaving the room of any EU official, you must bow down and touch the ground with your nose, then back out the door facing them. Don’t forget to leave £39 billion behind before you leave, or your masters will become very angry.

“One must always make sure when bargaining that you let it be known that you will not walk away even if the deal is so bad that the person you are bargaining with is literally laughing in your face. It is better to be a shameful coward with no backbone or guts than to cause any trouble by actually standing up for yourself or actually bargaining,” Mrs May notes on page 2.

The book called “The Art of the Bargain” will not be serialised in the Daily Telegraph this Sunday but will be found in every bargain bucket across the country by Tuesday.